FRIENDSHIPS BASED ON SELF-INTEREST

FRIENDSHIPS BASED ON SELF-INTEREST

Do not sell Allah's contract for a paltry price. What is with Allah is better for you, if you only knew. (Surat an-Nahl, 95)

Some relationships, whether consciously or subconsciously, are based on self-interest. Some people, who feel an excitement when they meet a person whom they hope to benefit from, interpret this excitement as "love." However, in truth it is no more than an "affected desire" for what that person has. In fact, such love often depends on the level of the "loved" person's wealth and status. Wealth excites people, and thus the most excitement is felt towards the wealthiest person. As mentioned above, this type of excitement is nothing but an attachment to worldly interests. Rich people are not "loved" primarily for their morals and characteristics, and thus always seem to have many "friends" even if they are easily angered, rude, selfish, illogical, merciless, always looking for gain, insincere, or even thoughtless.

Some people want to be with those who entertain them: "A person who likes me should be able to make me laugh." As a result, any resulting closeness is based on a deluded self-interest, for enjoying to be with a person who makes you laugh and feel happy is not the same as loving that person. However, because many people mistake the relief they feel for having gained something for love, they claim that they love that person very much.

You consider them united, but their hearts are scattered wide. That is because they are people who do not use their intellect. (Surat al-Hashr, 14)

Other people assume that being around good people will raise their esteem. As a result, they will select "good" people to befriend, considering their physical features such as height, the color of their eyes and hair. Often, such people can see only the other person's physical beauty, not their intelligence, conscience, or characteristics. They do not consider these aspects important because they claim that their love has "blinded" them. However, this "love" means "I love the esteem this person's beauty earns me." Apart from that person's beauty, his or her spirit does not mean anything to them. Just because he or she is beautiful, many inappropriate and undesirable particularities such as being merciless, insensitive, or scornful may totally be ignored.

Another important type of self-interest is trying to secure one's future by getting married. Many people fear living alone, being unable to support themselves, or of having no one to look after them when they are sick. Some people seek to abolish all such fears by getting married. For this reason, they attach themselves to the most promising person in this regard and convince themselves that they have fallen in "love."

For the rest of their lives, they share their pains and complaints about their spouse with their neighbors and relatives. But when asked why they stay with that person, they claim to love them very much. However, the Qur'an and its value system say that love should expect nothing in return. People should love other people sincerely, which involves personal sacrifice and expecting nothing in return, for that person is a manifestation of Allah. They should never backbite, but, as a result of this sincere love, should only speak well of them. They don't obligatorily "tolerate" the others for they treat one another with compassion and mercy, cover up their misgivings, try to make them feel at ease, and respond to every need as best as they can. Sincere love, friendship and closeness are best demonstrated through these actions.